I’ve posted about how we came up with an “army” theme for Schuyler’s 4th birthday in August.  After refusing to let him build an engine with a blowtorch in the backyard with his friends (his idea),  he chose to entertain his friends with an afternoon of simulated boot camp and a jeep shaped cake.   The  picture above is from that party, where the kids each got a plastic helmet and dog tags.  Instead of having the ten guests bring presents to the party, we collected items for a care package to send to our troops serving in Iraq.  Schuyler was excited about the idea of sending a package to “real soldiers”, and I was excited about limiting the number of toys that would end up in our house.  Party guests brought gourmet coffee, candy, toiletries and other items that I collected and shipped off with a note of explanation and a few pictures from the party.  Schuyler didn’t miss those presents, and I knew it was a great opportunity to teach him a little about giving to others.  And that was certainly enough, in my mind.

Apparently those that received the package felt differently.  Several days ago I came home to a package on our doorstep, with a military return address.  I opened it up to find dozens of gifts for Schuyler – an army cap, gloves, patches, eye shields, and knee pads.  Glow sticks, ear plugs, a T-shirt, and a water bottle.  A rubik’s cube, yo-yo, and blow-up pool.  Most importantly, there  was an American flag,  a certificate of appreciation, and the following letter (in part),

“Thank you for the care package.  We loved getting it in the mail and truly did enjoy all of the items.  We continue to smile whenever we walk by the pictures that you sent us from Schuyler’s “army” party.  Your letter and pictures continue to hang on our Command Post wall. After hearing that Schuyler gave up his presents in order to send us items everyone could not believe it.  Thank him again and give him this box of “presents”  as a late birthday gift.  We collected items from personnel in the unit and also flew a flag in Schuyler’s honor.  From all of us,  Thank you.”

Schuyler, of course, was thrilled.  The second picture above is him modeling some of the items he received.  He slept in the hat for three nights.  He insisted on bringing the whole box to his preschool class for show and tell. We told him how special it was to have a flag flown in his honor.  It was one of those times where we all received so much more in return for what was really a small sacrifice.  We are planning to send another package soon, this time with help from his preschool class.

In this season meant for giving, pass it on.

My eight year old daughter is similar – except she reads probably twice as fast as me and retains twice as much.  Throw in two more kids who love books too and it’s hard to keep us all in decent reading material.  We have a wonderful library that we visit almost weekly, but there are times that I like to get books that don’t come with the threat of a fine, or the hefty price tag from the book store.
What’s a family to do?

Here’s our new eco-friendly, socially conscious,  simply fun and very easy solution – a book exchange.  Call up your friends and your kids’ friends and tell them to bring over all of their books they no longer want ( and would love to get off their bookshelves) and swap them for the books you are ready to pass on.  Offer some drinks and snacks and you’ve got yourself a party.  We did this on a recent Saturday afternoon.  It was so easy and accomplished so much – cleaned out some clutter, gave us some new reading material, gave us an excuse to have friends over, and then provided a surplus of books to donate to a local school and a family who just adopted a new baby.

I might make it an annual thing – or just throw one together when I feel we’ve got a backlog of books in our house.  With all of the kids buried in their “new” books, I’ve suddenly got a few quiet moments to read one of mine!

There are times my mother guilt takes over and scolds me for not developing a weekly ritual that doesn’t involve a screen.  Or pizza, which I’m sure we eat way too much.  But when I hear us all giggle together or find us all cuddled on our really small couch, I try to push that guilt aside and just enjoy the moment – a moment when I’m not checking off my mental to-do list or negotiating the finer points of taking turns (which is a big reason why we  don’t do Family Game Nights).

Our Movie Night ritual developed without much intent, and certainly takes a back seat if something exciting comes along.  I’m guessing we will outgrow it in the years to come – we’re certainly going to outgrow that couch any day.  I secretly hope the girls will bring their dates home some day on Friday nights to watch Star Wars with their little brother.  A mom can dream, right?

Fall is my absolute favorite season.   I love….

sweater and jeans weather

a Starbuck’s pumpkin spice latte

watching the leaves twirl toward the ground

crunch leaves underfoot

piles of leaves

counting raking leaves as a workout

Starbuck’s pumpkin spice lattes

apple picking at Apple Holler

apple crumble

apple cider

hayrides

pumpkin picking

pumpkin seeds

pumpkin pies

did I mention pumpkin spice lattes?

fall soccer

fall 5k’s

fall colors

falling back at daylight savings

costumes…

and knowing fall is over when I switch to a peppermint mocha. But not yet!

Boy, is he ready!  Schuyler is returning for his second year of preschool.  His sisters have been in school for almost two weeks, and he misses them and his friends.   The school is a very familiar place, so he marched right in.

And this school is full of its own traditions and rituals, which I believe help kids thrive.  The director meets the children at the door everyday wearing silly hats and Mickey Mouse gloves, giving every kid a high five and greeting them by name.  They go wash their hands, and then are ushered in for circle time.  There is snack time of course, play time, and music time.  The traditions, rituals, and routines are too many to list here.

Other than the obligatory picture on the front steps, I have yet to establish what I feel is a meaningful send-off to the new school year for any of the kids.  It’s one of my favorite times of the year, there is so much excitement.  While this picture may not show it, this little guy is excited too.

Labor Day is one of those holidays that I never really understood. I grew up on a farm that was still in full swing this time of year, and when I asked for the day off my dad simply replied, “The crops don’t know it’s Labor Day!” and left if at that. I was expected to get out there and work like any other summer day.

In my search for traditions and rituals, I have found that a little background and history can add meaning to the most obscure holiday. The website for the Department of Labor states that the holiday was initiated by the new labor unions of the day, it’s a tribute to hard work and its contribution to society- a “workingmen’s holiday”. The first Labor Day holiday was celebrated in 1882 in New York City, organized by the Central Labor Union. It is meant to host speeches, sermons, parades and the like to meditate on work and the worker, followed by recreation for families.

This year, I am spending part of my Labor Day sending out resumes into one of the worst job markets in history. While I certainly feel I have labored during the last eight years raising a family and doing some freelance work here and there, it is time to enter the regular workforce once again. Next year, my Labor Day may feel different, a step out of the regular work-week routine. But today, after doing some of the work that each day requires, I’m hoping to make it to the beach for that “family recreation” as the day’s founder’s intended. Today, my new Labor Day tradition is going to include a bit of personal reflection on the blessing of work, in all its forms. A big thank you to all the workers out there who show up everyday and do their jobs to the best of their abilities. And prayer for all those looking for work this year.

Check our www.msnbc.msn.com’s current “Week in Pictures”. Almost half of the pictures featured are from celebrations around the world – Ramadan and Indonesian Independence Day. The first day of school in China.  Carnival in Notting Hill.  Obviously traditions, rituals, and celebrations are integral to every society on our planet.

September offers a wide array of cultural, religious, and traditional celebrations to explore and help widen our perspective.  The Jewish holidays of Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah are coming up in the next few weeks, as is the Muslim holiday of Eid.  Hispanic Heritage Month begins on September 15 to coincide with the Mexican Independence Day.  You don’t have to travel around the world to experience another culture, there are plenty of ways to use these holidays and celebrations to get to know your global neighbors a little better. Try a recipe to coincide with a cultural holiday that is new to you.  Read a book that gives you insight into the celebrations of another religion.  Visit a museum that has events or exhibits to correspond with the month’s holidays.

I am a firm believer that we can gain insight into all the things we have in common by gaining insight into some of the things that make us different, including our celebrations, traditions, and rituals. September is the perfect time to start.

Then, while I was watching and licking the hot fudge off my spoon,  a huge black line appeared down the middle of the screen. Frasier turned a technicolor blue.  Soon the entire picture morphed into some weird color scheme blocked in places by large bands of black and white.  I’d seen this before.  We’d had this TV less than a year, and had already had it serviced for a similar problem.  I knew this would take a couple weeks to fix, which leaves us with no TV.

This brings us to Turn-off Week, scheduled for September 20-26 this year.  Turn-off Week is an initiative of the Center for ScreenTime Awareness,  a non-profit organization with a mission to provide information so people can live healthier lives in functional families in vibrant communities by taking control of the electronic media in their lives, not allowing it to control them.  We have good reason to listen.  Here’s some of the facts from their website:

• Screen Time cuts into family time and is a leading cause of obesity in both adults and children. Excessive use of screens for recreational purposes leads to a more sedentary and solitary lifestyle and that is unhealthy for all of us, both mentally and physically.
• The average daily usage for all screens (TV, computers, video games, etc.) in some countries, has reached 9 hours per day.  This is for recreational use of screens and does not include work time.
• On average, people watch 4 hours of television and then spend another 4 plus hours with computers, games, video, iPods and cell phones.  (Oh, here’s where it hurts.  We love our iPhones, with all their fancy games and applications.  Our recent favorite? Flag Fun.  Just ask me what the flag of Qatar looks like – I can tell you).

So “What’s So Great about Turnoff Week”, you ask? Here’s their answer:

Turning off the screen gives us time to think, read, create, and do the things we never have time for. This allows us to connect with our families and engage in our communities. We feel good about ourselves as we grow more physically and mentally active.  And it works -according to hundreds of responses to our Turnoff Week follow-up surveys, 90 percent of responding participants reduced their screen time as a result of participating.Turnoff Week is supported by national organizations including the American Medical Association, American Academy of Pediatrics, National Education Association, and President’s Council on Physical Fitness and Sports.

It looks like our TV will be off during turn-off week.  Maybe I will even try to consciously limit my other screen time as well. Turn-off week could very well be a great tradition to start for our families, schools, and communities.  Hey, couple it with a Game Night and the Million Minute Family  Challenge I wrote about yesterday, and we’ve got a double whammy.  Check your local library, school, and other community organizations for Turn-off Week activities in your area.

For some families or other groups, it’s “Game Night”.  Patch Products is organizing the 9th annual Million Minute Family Challenge, encouraging families and friends to play board games for at least twenty minutes between September 1 and December 31 (and I suppose buy their products). Log your minutes with all the others out there playing games, and we’ve got a million minutes.

While there’s nothing particularly special or magical about watching movies or playing games, creating a rituals around these activities creates a sense of identity and continuity that researchers rave about.  It’s got the potential to help us get through some tough times.

So pull out that old Monopoly Game, invite over a few friends, and create your first annual “Game Party”. Or just play a few hands of Go Fish with the kids on Wednesday nights before bed.  Use the Million Minute Family Challenge as an excuse to do something a little different and who knows, maybe it will develop into your very own ritual.

I’ll take it a step further and say this applies to  individuals, groups, and communities too, not just families. Rituals are repeated acts that add  purpose, meaning, or intention to our lives.  Rituals have the potential to create something special out of the stuff we do everyday – waking, eating communicating, sleeping. Routines, as I understand it, have little or no meaning behind them.  They  get the job done.

This has been on my mind as the new school year has started, a new opportunity to develop routines and rituals (not just for the kids, but me too).  Research conducted by Barbara Fiese indicates that both routines and rituals can help families in particular weather stressful times and circumstances.  I’d like to share that we have reduced the stress of getting out the door on time in the morning,  working in  chores and piano practice and the like by creating simple checklists for the kids with the tasks they need to do each day.  Of course, there are some small incentives attached, but so far this week the results have been close to miraculous.  The time saved by eliminating the nagging, arguing and rushing can be directed to creating possible positive rituals to make our shared time even better.